Why I Can't Marry My Fiance

This tumblr/blog is about all the many reasons I can't marry my fiance. Feel free to ask a question, share an opinion, or give even more reasons as to why a year from now I should just run the other direction.
My fiance wakes up everyday when I get up to go to work. She doesn’t have school until the afternoon, but yet, there she is, up at 7:30 making me breakfast to go and caring for our small dog. This may seem like it should be in the category of “Reasons I should marry my fiance.” No. Never. My fiance gets up every morning at 7:30 to go to the gym and work out on the elliptical for 2 hours. Ridiculous. Why is it ridiculous: Because everyone knows, including me, that working out means walking to the mailbox and back. Putting on tennis shoes is optional, but I’d suggest it if you’re looking to tone your calves. Hell, buy those Shape Ups and wear them on over to the box. Make sure you drink lots of water and shower after, as to get rid of the sweat. 2 hours at the gym? No thank you. A leisurely walk to the mailbox to get your Sonic coupons for the week. Why yes, I think I will.

My fiance wakes up everyday when I get up to go to work. She doesn’t have school until the afternoon, but yet, there she is, up at 7:30 making me breakfast to go and caring for our small dog. This may seem like it should be in the category of “Reasons I should marry my fiance.” No. Never.

My fiance gets up every morning at 7:30 to go to the gym and work out on the elliptical for 2 hours. Ridiculous. Why is it ridiculous:

Because everyone knows, including me, that working out means walking to the mailbox and back. Putting on tennis shoes is optional, but I’d suggest it if you’re looking to tone your calves. Hell, buy those Shape Ups and wear them on over to the box. Make sure you drink lots of water and shower after, as to get rid of the sweat.

2 hours at the gym? No thank you. A leisurely walk to the mailbox to get your Sonic coupons for the week. Why yes, I think I will.

She thinks wine comes from a bottle. I know wine comes from a box. The conversation we had at the grocery store Saturday. Her: “Should I get some wine for our dinner?”Me: “I don’t care, I’m going to have the box wine.”Her: “Do you think it’ll be good after being opened for a while. Wine goes bad after you open it.” Me: *noticing the pure disgust on her face and seeing that she is basically pleading with me not to drink it now* “Yeah, see I don’t think wine out of a cardboard box really goes bad, well maybe not any worse.”

She thinks wine comes from a bottle.

I know wine comes from a box.

The conversation we had at the grocery store Saturday.

Her: “Should I get some wine for our dinner?”
Me: “I don’t care, I’m going to have the box wine.”
Her: “Do you think it’ll be good after being opened for a while. Wine goes bad after you open it.”
Me: *noticing the pure disgust on her face and seeing that she is basically pleading with me not to drink it now* “Yeah, see I don’t think wine out of a cardboard box really goes bad, well maybe not any worse.”

When deciding our “Who would you do in Harry Potter” choices (you know, the fictional but totally serious get out of jail free card): She chose Bellatrix Lestrange. I chose Narcissa Malfoy. I feel as though this really speaks to the heart of the problem. She apparently has poor taste in women.

When deciding our “Who would you do in Harry Potter” choices (you know, the fictional but totally serious get out of jail free card):

She chose Bellatrix Lestrange.

I chose Narcissa Malfoy.

I feel as though this really speaks to the heart of the problem. She apparently has poor taste in women.